I hate the word "mature".
No, not because it sounds ugly. When you're under 15, this word will haunt you. The thing is, most people don't realize how offensive it is to use it. I know an explanation is needed, so let's get to explaining.
For as long as I can remember (back until I was 7 - my memory is not the best), I've been called "mature" by adults. When talking to one, I would reveal my age, and they would always say "Oh, you're so mature! I thought you were older!" Some common variations: "You're so mature for your age!" "Wow, you're so mature, you seem older than you are."
And the thing is, these people are well-meaning. These adults were genuinely trying to complement me. But the thing is, there's a problem with how they're using "mature": Conflating age with being an intelligent, good person.
These people were not complementing me because I seemed to them to be literally older - they were complementing me because it seemed like I was an intelligent/well-spoken/polite person. (Whether I actually am is another issue entirely...) However, rather than say that, they use words that mean "old". My dictionary defines "mature", as it relates to humans, as "having reached full development".
The thing is, I had not, and have not, reached full development. Any skills I have come not from my age, but from what I do. Moral values I have come not from how long I've been on the earth, but from me looking inside myself and deciding what I believe. And most of all, intelligence does not come from age. Intelligence comes from hard work, from research, from practice and self-control, self-awareness, and any number of other factors - but those factors don't include your age.
The reason age is frequently made out to equal intelligence is that older people have had more time to develop those skills and factors. But age alone does not an intelligent person make. And frankly? It's insulting. By telling me I'm "mature", or "you seem mature for your age", you are not only taking away all the work I've done in my life to gain whatever skills I have, suggesting instead that everything was just handed to me by a biological number, but you are also insulting young people everywhere. What you're saying is that young people are incapable of being intelligent, rational, well-spoken, polite, or any other skill. That if a young person has these traits, it means they are "old".
It's quite tiring. Through these attempted "complements", adults are further enforcing false notions about youth and intelligence. They're giving themselves one big pat on the back - "Intelligence/skill is an adult thing, kiddos - so when you're skilled, it means you're like us adults!"
So, if you're an adult who has used "mature" in the positive sense, think of what you're actually saying when you say it. Are you saying that a person has reached full development, or that they're an intelligent, good person?
I will be writing more about this topic later, don't think I don't have much more to say. For now, though, read Chally from Feministe's article on Having Been A Teenage Writer, in which she talks about ageism and adults' perceptions of her intelligence, merely because of her age, and how hard it is to be taken seriously as a teen writer.
Hey, it's random_person here from MDN. I've been glancing through your blogs from the front page and as always, I'm rather impressed by your insight. However, without wishing to seem argumentative, I came to this one and there is one point I would like to make. The discontent that you express with the word 'mature' being used as a compliment appears to be derived from an understanding that it is a comment relating to intelligence. Now, whilst it may very well be true that others use this to compliment your intellectual abilities, speaking from experience it is usually meant as a favourable comment on one's lack of naivety, not lack of stupidity.
ReplyDeleteI certainly do not wish to sound patronising because your understanding of language is clearly highly sophisticated, but intelligence relates purely to cognitive ability. Naivety, on the other hand, concerns one's understanding of the world based on experience. Somebody can be highly intelligent in their youth, yet still be naive.
I speaking as a 19 year old can tell you very honestly that although my intelligence has seen no significant change over the past 5 years, I am certainly wiser than I was as a 14 year old because I have a better understanding of the world thanks to the experience I have gained since as a young adult. I also realise that in another five years, I'll probably look back at my 19 year old self and wonder how the bloody hell I could honestly have believed some of the things I do at present. As such, I am more mature now than I used to be in the most readily understood sense of the word in that context. Hell, my father is one of the brightest people I know and was similarly intelligent as a teenager, but he admits that he was incredibly 'immature' in his youth simply because he was naive in spite of his intelligence.
With this in mind, I don't think that you should interpret people calling you 'mature' as an indication that you are somehow intellectually exceptional for your age. There is admittedly some pre-judgment and generalisation involved in terms of expectations of responsiblity and world awareness, but it is not unreasonable for the concept of maturity to be linked to one's age.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI do see where you might think this, but I definitely have to disagree. Because the situations I have been in (and seen other young people be in) where older people use this word weren't able to demonstrate anything about neivety.
For example, only a couple weeks ago, I was talking with my the school bus driver, and I mentioned I had a birthday coming up soon. After I corrected her about what age I was then (14), her response was a surprised smile and "Oh! You're very mature."
Now, she was in no way able to tell what I believed and what I didn't. Her assessment of me as "mature" was based on how I behaved (politely) and the subjects I talked about when we engaged in conversations (such as work, careers, and other "practical" topics). She had no way to tell whether I was naive or not.
Thank you for this! "Mature" is a word that has always irked me as well.
ReplyDelete